You know that feeling when you find out your pregnant for the first time? The wave of emotions from happy, excited, nervous, to the Oh Shit moment? I had all of those when I found out I was pregnant with Leiland. His dad and I were excited especially when we out it was a boy. You know how father get when they find out they are having a son…. Giddy as a schoolgirl. We went thru the whole names thing and for the most part we were happy. My pregnancy was normal for a majority of it until one day I was home alone and passed out, hit my head and when I finally came to crawled to the room and called my mom to come and get me and take me to the hospital. My blood sugar had gotten too low, and I needed to make sure I was eating in a timely manner. By the time I was 7 ½ months along, Leiland’s dad and I were separated. We married a very short time after knowing each other, we were young and sometimes things just don’t work out between two people.

A few weeks before Leiland was due, I felt something was off. He wasn’t moving as much as he had been before. I went to the doctor’s constantly, but they kept saying that everything was fine and that he was moving on the ultrasounds. About 2 weeks before my due date I was sitting at home watching TV, just finished eating a bowl of fettuccine alfredo, when I had to go to the bathroom. When I went there was a pop and a gush of water. I wasn’t sure what had just happened, so I grabbed a towel and waddled to the phone and called my brother. He and my sister-in-law had just had my niece 9 days earlier. I asked him if my water just broke, and he said that if it felt like a balloon popping then that’s what just happened and to call mom. So, I called my mom, I told her I would just drive myself since I lived right around the corner from the hospital. She insisted that she take me, and boy am I glad that she did. Funny thing about that day was that I was supposed to start training at Lowe’s. I then called my best friend who helped me get the job and told her what happened and asked her to let them know that I wouldn’t be in since my water had just broken. She later came to the hospital to check on me. Then I called Leiland’s dad to let him know what was going on. I had so many emotions. I was ready but I wasn’t. How was I going to raise a baby and be a single mom? I knew I could do it because I watched my mom do her best to raise my two brother and me.

Fast forward, I was in labor for 12 hours, baby’s heart rate was dropping, I wasn’t progressing, and he was in distress. They came in and said we need to do an emergency c-section. I panicked, I wasn’t prepared for this at all, this wasn’t the plan, I learned nothing about c-sections during parenting class. I was scared, the only thing I remember was hearing the baby’s cry and asking my ex-husband if he had all 10 fingers and 10 toes. Then I woke up in recovery where my worst fears would start.

                When I woke up the first time I asked where my baby was and they said he was in the nursery, I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and asked again where my baby was and when I could see him, they said they were just running some tests on him. I said OK and fell back asleep. The next thing I know there is a doctor and nurse in my room asking for my consent to do a spinal tap. They wouldn’t give me answers, just asked if I had meningitis while I was pregnant. Apparently, they couldn’t get his seizures under control from what I was told later on. He was in the NICU, and I wasn’t able to see my baby. I was devastated, scared and alone

I was finally able to see Leiland 2 days later. I was wheeled down in the wheelchair, gowned and masked up. When I walked in and saw him, I broke down in tears, I looked at the nurse and asked, “Is my baby going to die?” What a sight for a first-time mom, your baby hooked up to wires, leads, breathing tube, blinder over his eyes. She said no, he is not. To tell you the truth if it were not for the NICU nurses, I would not have made it through. They sent me pictures of Leiland when he first opened his eyes and when his tubes came out. They were angels. I still was not able to hold him until 4 days after he was born. I decided after initially being wheeled down there that if my baby was fighting for his life then I was not going in a wheelchair and walked from there on out. Keep in mind they still had no answers, I also had postpartum depression, severe anxiety, and stuff going on in my personal life, so they had me pretty heavily medicated. As you can read under Leiland’s tab that was the first 12 days of his life.